Morning mourning.

I am childless

and bleeding

into a silicone cup inside

of me.

We were careful.

I am 22 years old

and I feel there’s something

asleep inside

of me.

You held me sincerely

in this dream

and a few days later, too,

to remind me you were real.

You cared, really.

All I need to do now is

mourn this loss.

There’s no misunderstanding,

no hurt.

Just an abundant

emptiness

without you.

leaving & metro & speed train & taxi & two hours

& you,

hello –

we have the afternoon but

we will forget the time

so when the alarm rings

I have 15 more minutes against your chest

afraid of what you will say

more afraid of what you will not say

even more afraid that I won’t say what you don’t say

nothing necessary is said – but

I know there will be goodbye & then

taxi & late train & metro & walking home & two hours

of you in my head,

goodbye, goodbye,

bye-bye ––

good.

And if I’m one of the ones you like so much

why did I say no

when you asked for a kiss

it was a joke that had half the sincerity

–– not enough to take seriously

–– enough to arouse with possibility

what is left unsaid

what is left undone

not what words mean but what they suggest

not what we do but what we could

And if I’m one of the ones you like so much

that’s all that there is to it

On a mushroom cloud of love

in a hurricane eye of love

in a skydive abyss of love

in a freestyle waltz of love

in a butterfly dance of love

the helium heart bursts into song

springs from left to right to wrong

O such fool of a heart

do not succumb to

sadness ––

submit yourself

to big cocks

not depression

she looks at the flightless bird

on her porcelain plate:

white chicken flesh

a dry, avian breast.

what was alive and dreamed of flight

is dead without a single

dream. how uncontroversial

everything is.